The systems you've tried and set aside

Last week, I asked you all what question from the survey you'd like to hear about next, and by far, you wanted to hear about failed household/child-rearing systems and processes the most.

I didn't expect to find you all sharing so much in common over what parts of our lives we tried and failed to Real Simplify. Some answers came up repeatedly:

• chore/reward charts
• allowances/kids financial routines
• screen time. "I have given up and I removed all restrictions."
• shared calendar. The Skylight/Kanban were both called out
• shared chore/grocery list/photo apps
• white board wall calendar
• preparing early to in order to consistently leave the house on time
• family meetings
• bedtime writ large
• meal planning
• laundry—regardless of who is doing it
• shared family walk/exercise time
• where people put their shoes
• everything having a home (especially toys)
• sorting/storing paper
• Fair Play and the like: "The idea of let’s divide tasks and you have to 'own' this one. I feel like I can’t be totally checked out of anything."

And a lot of you added something along the lines of "We can't make it stick because I don't enforce it." As one of you said, "Any type of list or type of regular chore or grocery rhythm just fades away everywhere except in my brain, and then I get mad that I felt like I needed to be the one to design the system in the first place."

Since this Google Form survey is the same as a double-blind, peer-reviewed, and published research paper (187 responses for the record), I would say one takeaway is that we have been hoodwinked to believe we can do machine learning, but for housework/childcare.

But maybe it's not that we bought the wrong wipe-board calendar or got uninspiring stickers for the chart or downloaded the wrong kids spending app or got too tired to remember to put a dry noodle in the good-behavior jar. Maybe it's not our fault for creating a busted flywheel. It's not that we built a bad machine; it's that all the cogs are made out of goo, and they keep leaking out.

Which is too bad because it would honestly be great if you could create a better machine to run your house. Where is AI for that? There are four gigantic damp bath towels in the kids' bathroom for two skinny boys. I would love to upload that to Claude and make him deal with it.

In the meantime here are some more detailed examples witches sent in that were extremely relatable in the high hopes, bitter disappointments and dazzling descriptions of the Rube Goldberg systems we set up at home that do not function after the first one or two tries.

What's a system or process you tried to install for your family/house that did not deliver what you wanted? 

"I tried for a minute to keep a chore chart of some kind with a reward at the end of the week, which only ever resulted in my then-preschooler wailing DOLLARCASHSTORE when we went past the Dollar Tree and he didn't get to it and pick out junk."

"Checklist of daily tasks for my older kiddo (13 year old) - it only works intermittently, but then he gets unexpected homework and doesn't have time to do all his daily tasks. I'm awful at getting my kids to do chores. I just randomly ask them to do things if I'm tired."

"We just have a section of the couch that holds clean laundry 24/7. I hate this. It is also my fault."

"we have a 'star jar' system that is extremely haphazardly administered and the best way to describe it is maybe that it's like when you are on a train that claims to have wifi but it isn't really working except for every so often and it's sooo much worse than if you just had no wifi at all. that's how the star jar system works in our house."

"When the children don't empty the dishwasher in the morning they now owe us handwashing of some annoying kitchen thing that can't go in the dishwasher. But they still don't do it and we end up with a pile of handwashing shit, extra nagging for the children and then they do a shitty job."

"Music during shower time. We try every once in a while to do it so there’s a set time (be finished by the end of this playlist), but it always gets pushed around and a fight. My one kid takes 10x longer adding songs to a playlist that he listens to while showering."

"For 1.5 years, I researched, measured, purchased, assembled entire ikea shelving system for a 'mudroom' and shoes, bags, sports gear and library books still live exclusively on the floor, a permanent barrier to accessing said shelves."

"I wanted everyone to take a little more responsibility for one specific task. I have done a great job of mine, but the other people I live with suck and have no memory for mundane things."

"My husband is supposed to get the laundry washed and back upstairs. I fold and put away. But the clean clothes never come upstairs until it’s too late and we’re all wondering why we don’t have pants."

"I feel like none of it has worked. Sticker charts, Pom-pom jars, etc. It all ends up being more work for me, and I don’t have the brain capacity to run any additional systems beyond DO WHAT I SAY."