Put the flat hat on the big baby bc he's done at the learning place

Short dumb issue today because I am a short dumb person. No seriously, I feel quite brain damaged lately. Forgetting to invite people to parties and then talking to them to their face about the parties they were not invited to. Not remembering what day it is. Ghosting on a haircut appointment (even after I confirmed yes on the reminder text.) And the other day I repeatedly called my son Paul "Jack," my brother's name, and they don't resemble each other in any way except that they're both white and male.

My son's eighth grade graduation festivities didn't help either; at his school this last month there were so many events, themes, early starts, early dismissals, things to send in, lunches and parties and breakfasts and dinners that my overwhelm started to curdle into anger over the exponential new load. I had no one to direct the anger at; I didn't want to yuck the yums of the teachers and moms doing so much to make it special for the kids. I am not brave enough to challenge the system and say "Hey are we copying all the parents on these texts?" and force an institutional change. All the remembering and scheduling and driving and nice-clothing of it all just made me want it to be over and then I felt guilty for not being excited about tomorrow's milestone.

But also maybe it's not about me? Big if true!

So anyway instead of raging further against the 8th grade graduation machine I wanted to share some of my favorites examples of the losing-track-of-your-words that happens when you're at a particular stage of life as collected in this Reddit thread I came across not long ago. If you've got one of your own, leave it in the comments, Jack.

"Could not come up with the word pony. It’s now a condensed horse."

"Wet cupboard = dishwasher."

"washing machine for dishes, laundry machine for washer!"

"My shower is also a washing machine 🫠"

"Oven mitt became food mitten. Gimme the FUCKIN FOOD MITTEN."

"I call slippers foot mittens"

"Tore up the kitchen yesterday looking for a pan's 'hat.'"

"One night at work I couldn’t think of the word 'disinfectant; so I said 'cleaning juice.'

"There’s a bar/restaurant near me called Cold Beers and Cheeseburgers. It changes every time I say it now: Cold Cheese and Beer Burgers, Cold Burgers and Cheese Beer"

"Raw toast = bread 🫠"

"I couldn’t think of the word tomato so I called it 'that big sandwich berry'”

 "I’ve called the microwave “the hot box” and my own kid “the small roommate” because my brain just noped out."

"'The thing that does the thing'...motions with hands. I was after the spatula."

"I called ibuprofen 'those little round white things' the other day."

"Digging scoop = spoon"

"Petting zoo is now touch farm in our household"

"Like a water bottle but hot = thermos"

"Foot claws - toenails. Pointy fish - marlin"

"Chicken things = eggs"

"Shelf became 'cabinet floor'”

"I call the dishwasher the dish laundry."

"Couldn't remember the proper term for the place you go to practice shooting so I said 'gym for guns.'" 

"Pigeons have been penguins for about the last year to me."

"Lights being bright became they’re 'too loud visually’"

"Sand donkey = camel, towel pantry = linen closet."

"I tried to remember the word 'tv remote.' Couldn’t. It became a 'sausage with buttons'”

"'box you put mail in' = mailbox"

"Noodles with the stuff on top= macaroni and cheese 🤦🏻‍♀️"

"I couldn’t remember the word 'airport' or the word 'airplane' in a conversation so I just said, 'The place where the things that fly that carry people land'” 

"Car house = garage"

"Cake place = bakery"

"I offered guests 'small handheld saws' for their steaks whilst making a cutting motion with my hands.

"Team Hand-Ankles checking in"

"the only really good one I have was 'tube apparel '. I meant skirt. SKIRT. IN A DRESS SHOP I COULDN'T FIND THE WORD SKIRT. 

"Bird clothes = feathers."

End credits

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This from our very own comments section. Peace be with you Karla!