Leaving men behind and I finally have another girl in the house

Here's something I'm working on for the newsletter for later this summer that I would love some witchy feedback on, if it speaks to you. On Monday, I had breakfast with a friend I see every few years who has two kids my kids' age. The last time I saw her, she and her husband had just split up. This time I asked her how single life was going and she said, "Actually, I'm seeing women now." She told me not only about her dating life but about the fun circle of lesbian moms she's made as well. I raised my coffee cup and said, "Happy pride!"

I now know at least two witchy moms who have entered queer relationships after divorcing their kids' dads. Is this you as well? I would love to hear your story — less "Har har, men suck, it would be easier to date women" or "Tell us hot lesbian stories" and more about how you were able to go down a new, authentic path and do something brave at a later stage in life. If you care to chat about it with me you can be anonymous as always. Just reply to this email. (Feel free to forward this to someone who doesn't currently get the newsletter but who it might apply to.)

Farewell to an OG witch

I didn't know Jill Smokler of Scary Mommy personally, but I was very sad to see that she'd died, way too young. (Here's a gift link to her NYT obituary if you'd care to read it.)

Despite the feedback I receive from Evil Witches that the newsletter makes other moms feel seen and normal, I can still feel like I am a malfunctioning mother when I dislike the work of mothering or feel a certain kind of way when I feel like I'm treated like an irritating drone instead of the human being I have been/sometimes still am. A good mother wouldn't feel this way and thus her kids would love her more.

However, I never question whether I am the only one who thinks this way. Scary Mommy spread that word earlier and even more widely, helping other moms know it's not a bug to feel that conflict, grief and rage in tandem that can come with raising a human, to miss the autonomous, independent version of ourselves while at the same time not wishing you'd done things differently. Not only is that kind of commiseration comforting, it can turn hard things into funny things, and kids need moms who can laugh. If you want more witchy thoughts on Jill, here's a nice tribute from Lyz Lenz.

Q: Should I get a second dog? A: No! But we did it anyway.

Speaking of motherhood, we brought a new baby home last week. Please meet Bonita, named after a memorable dog we met in Mexico a few years ago:

We got a second dog because our first one unofficially became a therapy dog for me (don't worry, I don't try to take him places you take therapy dogs), and I realized I would need backup for when he eventually left this mortal coil. I declared for no particular reason we'd get the dog when our older son started high school.

I've been telling people it feels like maternity leave lite. We are constantly monitoring her eating and bathroom habits, and drop everything when it seems like she might need care. There is invisible fecal matter everywhere because, despite how itty she is, she creates an astounding amount of poop. The house is a mess. We are going through rags like you wouldn't believe. We are tired. Everything shuts down when she takes a nap so we can finally get some stuff done (like with my human babies – sleep check the internet when the baby sleeps!)

On the other hand, God, she's so dang cute and, like my human babies, I do like to show her off. Yes, she's bad, but in a way that makes me sing Willa Ford's "I wanna be bad!" to her or say "Cash me outside how bout dat??!" It is cute to see the boys fawn over her. And, like with children, it's nice to do it a second time and feel more experienced than the first. I'm better at asking for help (from the kids! They can actually help now and not just be a source of additional chaos like when we got the first dog back in February 2020.) I'm not fretting as much over doing things exactly right. I know that, like with human babies, sometimes puppies get a case of Just Babies Being Babies. And frankly, whether it's taking her out for the 40th time that day to get her to poop or just kissing her soft little head, she is just a great distraction from the news or thinking about everyone's feeble parents and whatnot.

Now, how does our firstborn dog feel? He's settled down a bit now a week in but originally, like Garfield re: Nermal, he would not mind sending her packing to Abu Dhabi. We did research and asked around about the best practices in terms of how to introduce a new dog to an established dog, but of course, everything goes out the window when it actually happens. Unlike with dogs, you can't read them a book about a new baby coming home or bring them a present and say their new sibling brought it for them when they go to meet them in the hospital.

End credits

Thank you for reading Evil Witches, a newsletter for people who happen to be mothers. I saw a friend this weekend who, despite being a pretty influential person in national progressive politics, still had to dedicate her weekend to her son's travel baseball tournament over an hour away. She asked if we've done anything on the scourge of children's specialized sports, and indeed we have. If your kids' sports schedule is killing you, I still think it is a good call to get someone to help you run your calendar.

If you want witchy things in your ear, listen to Not Right Now.

Finally, please think about becoming a paid subscriber to unlock the One Witchy Thing and to support the amazing graphic design effort I put into this newsletter. You can tell it was not AI because of how bad it is.

I'm running a little offer now to join at the monthly level for only $2 with the offer Puppy Chow. You get access to paid-subscriber-only posts like the one I'm working on about trying to be fine with the fact that my otherwise healthy, active kids continuously partake in mass quantities of the worst, shittiest kinds of junk food including bubble gum-flavored Faygo. I am not MAHA but maybe I am about that product specifically.

One witchy thing

Advice from a witchy relative when I asked her what on earth I should buy for a 2-year-old's birthday party we're going to because I forgot what 2-year-olds want or need: