Evil Witches Newsletter

Evil Witches Newsletter

I Survived: Parenthood (maybe)

And other tales of survival, courtesy Joy Engel

Claire Zulkey
Feb 10, 2026
∙ Paid

If you’re like me and have a bunch of exciting “I Survived” narratives at home covering everything from D-Day to the Destruction to Pompeii to the Great Molasses Flood [P.S. it’s wild to see 9/11 compared to ‘old timey’ disasters like the Dust Bowl] you will enjoy this guest post from Joy Engel, a tea enthusiast from the coast of Maine. She is currently surviving a child who refuses to wear socks in the winter and the Disaster of 2026.

I Survived: For Parents

A new line of non-historical historical fiction for parents in these, the dark times.

My eldest child has a new hyperfixation: The I Survived series.

Through these books, he’s learned about kids who made it through hurricanes, Nazis, and the American Civil War. Historical fiction! Not at all connected to current events!

Which is why I’m thrilled to announce my new, parent-exclusive series of non-historical historical fiction. I Survived, For Parents!

Initial titles include:

I Survived: the 2nd Night Home from the Hospital.

Now with bonus content on how to schedule your husband’s vasectomy.

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I Survived: Forcing my 7-year-old to shower.

But I did have to explain away the screams to our neighbors.

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I Survived: a Three-Birthday-Party Sunday.

Now with step-by-step instructions on how to make your own sensory deprivation tank!

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I Survived: my Son’s Full-Volume Imagine Dragons Phase.

How is this every single elementary school boy’s favorite band?

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I Survived: The Annual Vaccine Appointment.

Bonus Q&A chapter will help you determine if your eight-year-old is a secret anti-vaxxer.

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I Survived: Turning My Child’s Palate Expander.

Finger scars not included.

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I Survived: 22 Hot Flashes in a Single Day (Perimenopause Edition).

One woman’s heroic journey into embracing HRT.

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I Survived: The Full Family Vacation Norovirus of 2021, 2022 and 2023 – a Three-Part Series!

Sequel Coming Soon: I Survived The Full Family Exorcism I Paid an Etsy Witch to Do Before the Vacation of 2024 Because HOW Can One Family Puke So Much On So Many Vacations Unless We’ve Been Hexxed.

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I Survived: My Husband Getting Really Into CrossFit.

Includes a glossary of helpful terms like “Murph” and “WOD”

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I Survived: My 27th Viewing of K-Pop Demon Hunters.

I did seal the Honmoon. Thank you for noticing.

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I Survived: 15 Elementary School Spirit Days During the 12 School Days of December.

How are ‘Flannel Day’ and ‘Plaid Day’ different? I ask this sincerely.
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I (Barely) Survived: Reading the Who Would Win, Ultimate Insect Rumble?

A deep dive into the digestive processes of beetles. Now with 10 times the Latin!

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I Survived: My Six-Year-Old Correcting My Pronunciation of The Scientific Name for 10 Different Bugs.

Mortus Momus

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I Survived: My Children’s First Lockdown (American Edition).

Recommended reading in *checks notes* zero other countries.

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I Survived: Watching My Son Finally Realize The Answer to His Math Homework Was 67.

Can be referenced with the early oughts version: Chicken Soup for the Embarrassed Soul, My teacher wrote ‘69’ on the white board.

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I Survived: My Husband Eating Two Pieces of Cheesecake Without Remembering To Take Lactaid (Jewish Edition).

Includes tips on how to sneak probiotics in your grandmother’s kugel recipe!

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I Survived: Transitioning my Four-Year-Old’s Wardrobe Into Seasonally Appropriate Clothing.

Includes a forward from my 62-year-old childless neighbor, “What if you just MADE her wear a coat?”

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I Survived: 7 Weeks of Kindergarten Soccer (But Not The 8th. A Ghost Wrote This).

Hell is just 12 parents yelling “Emma! The Ball! Move Your Feet!”

Praise for the Series:

“This woman is clearly the Back Seat Butler on every family trip and it shows.”
— American Association of Exhausted People

“I read this! Well, I think I read this. Maybe I watched a TikTok about it while I was nursing the baby?”
— Parenting Monthly

“Seems like she took too much Tylenol when she was pregnant.”
— RonnieK on Goodreads


I Survived: Having a meager baby

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