Witchy takes

🧹 Come Zoom with me 🧹 for democracy

+ the mothering things we just can't get it up for

I have always wanted to host an Evil Witches Zoom call but couldn't find a hook to keep it from being a stressful free-for-all until I had lunch with OG witch Melissa Walker a few weeks ago to get revved up for the midterms.

As many of you know, I run a Giving Circle on behalf of the States Project with the goal of raising money for state elections that have the potential to flip Democratic. Compared to more high profile elections, in these cases the money goes farther and the ripple effects go beyond the state.

This time I'm raising money for Wisconsin and it would be tits if you donated. However what would be even more tits if if you started your own Giving Circle. You can do this on your own, on your couch, without a big network, without a lot of time.

I'm making Melissa and myself available in real time to answer questions from Evil Witches readers (all welcome!!) who want to know more about what it takes to start and maintain a Giving Circle and assuage any fears you may have about the workload, asking for money, having a message.

This Evil Witches Zoom is scheduled for Monday, September 14 at 8 p.m. ET/7 p.m. CT/5 p.m. PT for anyone Giving Circle-curious. For a half hour Melissa and I will answer questions and I hope give you the little nudge you need. If you do any type of volunteer work or any type of work/emailing you can do this. Go HERE to RSVP; we'll send you the Zoom link ahead of time.

And as an incentive if you do start your own circle (regardless of whether you join the Zoom), if you send me a link I'll donate $20 personally. I'll record the call if you can't make it and want to see how it goes. Let's be proactive and not just wait for MAGA to kick itself in the nuts these midterms; let's make change that will last, together.

Overrated: What part of parenting do you think you ought to like more?

A friend and I were grumbling the other day about hearing from parents who talk about the joys of dancing around in the kitchen with their kiddos. I don't know. Dancing is great. Kitchens are great. Kids can be great. But it felt like a shorthand humblebrag for something. It should also be noted that our kids are not in a stage of life where they want to dance or do much of anything with their mothers.

At any rate, for those of you who dread bedtime or bathtime or dinnertime or dancetime or playtime or any of the other times you worry the right moms delight in, know that you're not alone. These are some prime answers from the Evil Witches survey I sent out to paid subscribers (become one if you want to get the next survey, later this fall!) asking "What's a part of motherhood you think you should like more but don't?"

My kid's friends. He's an only, and I feel like I should feel up for taking kids to do fun things but I really don't like doing that.
the dreaded imaginative play
reading to my kids. i like it for five minutes at a time, but then it gets so boring? but i'm glad they want to read so i feel obligated to read it over and over over again.
it's always bedtime, isn't it? I'm singing her a lullaby inwardly seething
listening to my kids talk about their hobbies, like Roblox and ants. I love them so much but I just don't have room in my brain for their weird interests!
Buying toys, because when she rejects them I take it personally.
I feel like I'm supposed to like all of the things that go into feeding my kids ("food is love!") but I hate it -- so much effort and usually they just want cereal at any time of the day
wish i was honestly more interested in what my kids have to say but find myself faking it a lot of the time and really hope they don't notice
I'm great with comforting and great with big talks but bad at standing there for 20 minutes pushing a kid on the swing.
Caring about their sports. I do not care about their sports. At all
snuggling in bed. BEFORE bed, great! during sleep time, NO!
party planning/executing
dealing with grandparents
Being interested in my kids' interests (especially the video games Jesus take the wheel)
Trying to have conversations about what happened at school
Building Legos
100% focusing on my kids and letting the dirty dishes, etc. wait for later
Bedtime. I always had this idea of cuddling and reading in bed but it's mostly just chaos and disaster.
Playing with my kids. Even now that they're older, when they're like "wanna play a game?" i'm like, "what if we read a book side by side instead?"
Playing on the floor with my kids. I loved pretend play as a kid, a lot longer than most of my peers even, and I just can't do it now. Maybe it's because my kids are still SO little (6 and 4) and they are boys, so EVERY story is "your house is on fire! you have to be rescued! it's on fire AGAIN!" Literally. Every time. It is so boring.
The infant stage. I love other people's wee tiny babies but could not waaaaait for mine to get out of it. Also, I feel like I should not approach weekends like they're a grueling marathon, being as they're the only two days my kids aren't in school/care, but alas.
Anything that has to do with soccer and reading aloud.
monitoring their food to make sure they eat a vegetable at least once a week
At this point (grown kids who are interesting adults) I like all of it except going to the sports games. OMG the time I wasted on those bleachers. But what can you do? Just breathe.
Eating with my kid (she's two). My brain just wants to zone out, but instead I'm monitoring her behavior and fetching food.
a planned "day out" with them now that they're older. Even at 8 and 11 years old, it's too much for me and I just find it exhausting, even though it is easier than when they were little
My 9 y/o daughter's dependence on me. Of course I kind a like it (and I'm sure I'll miss it) but it can feel suffocating at times, like when she complains if I leave for a few hours on a Saturday to get my hair cut. And my kids' friends! Some of them I like but most of them are so annoying. I hope this will change as they get older. I definitely want to be a mom who is there for my daughter's friends/my friends' kids. I relate better to tweens and teens I think.
Coming up with healthy foods and cute baking projects
Reading stories. I'm a former drama kid and have a PhD in literature but most books are boring and my child asks why my voice is funny if I try to make it interesting.
Vacations with children. Even the really nice parts can seem bleak. Constantly trying to anticipate needs in a different place. Maybe I should just chill out? Seems impossible
Fun outings, like camping! The downside of solo parenting is that sometimes it's nice to have another adult around, and that requires finding another adult who wants to join us on our activity.
The daily de-briefs and how's your day etc. I work from home so I come downstairs when my kids get home but my son dives for the ipad as soon as he gets home and I'm usually in the middle of some work thing so I make an effort and he grunts at me and I intend to re-visit it later but then it's dinner and blah blah blah and then by bedtime I just want my down time. So I feel like that answer counts as "the afterschool to bedtime" pipeline which feels disheartening since during that school year that is like most of it.
Making dinner? I've always loved cooking but my picky youngest child + a long commute has sucked all the fun out of it. Now I meal plan but my husband cooks on weeknights.
Bathtime, I hate it, it's boring. I also can't do anything while it happening because i still have toddler and they could drown.
Nanny weighing in: chasing kids at playgrounds, sitting in the sun. No thank you. you can run and get sweaty, i'll be in my big hat watching you from a distance.
Bath time- why are people obsessed?
Actually playing many of my children's games: "Mummy can you help me build a Paw Patrol tower?", etc. Can I just watch while also reading?
cooking or baking with them. It sounds cute and it's sharing a part of myself and it's teaching them valuable skills, but I just don't have the patience. I am an old hag who sees kitchen work as labor and not as bonding time"
Playing board games. I hate it so much and my kids always want to play a board game with me.
Keeping my kids stocked with shoes and clothing that fits WHAT AN ENDLESS, THANKLESS CHORE
Teaching any skills. Like why is it so friggin hard to tie your damn shoes I just showed you
Hanging out at the playground, noooo question..
Meal planning, I love to cook but I hate cooking for these people, they've sucked out my joy
Crafting, 90% set up and clean up
Playing with a six month old. In comparison to my inventive and creative 4 year old he just doesn't bring much to the table.
Doing indoor activities w my kids like watching movies, puzzles, games, etc. They end up distracted bc they just want to be on their phones while I worry about how they are incapable of doing anything not-physically-active except scrolling their phones, and also seething quietly about all the other things I could be doing.
Chaperoning field trips. I never do it because it's my idea of hell. But I feel like I should WANT to.
Cooking as a form of love for my family (lol)
Singing songs in a playgroup makes me want to die (but I force myself to do it)
Car rides singing their songs. This was something I looked forward to and am really meh about it.
bedtime. why are they so wiggly when we're trying to snuggle????
I love how silly she can be, but sometimes it's too much silly and I get impatient. And I love silliness

End credits

Thank you for reading Evil Witches, a newsletter for people who happen to be mothers. I personally am relieved I'm not the only one who doesn't have enough gas in the tank to read aloud at night and that is coming from someone who writes and reads for a living. (We have switched to parallel reading in bed.)

If you want to read a few more things in the same vein you can find them here. If you like this type of thing and want to support the work please consider becoming a paid subscriber and getting some bonus stuff like what my son wrote on the shower wall and how I reacted to it. 😇