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The things kids think sick people say

A witch posted this question on Facebook, and I also kicked it out to witches’ Twitter. There are clearly some serious illnesses going around. Vaccinate your kids, people!

When your kid says s/he is sick and you ask what is wrong, do they tell you the stupidest symptoms ever? My daughter just told me that when she walks past a fan or something cold it makes her feel cold. One time last year she told me she needed to stay home because ‘my heart feels loose and adjusted.’

“I’m feeling Medium today.”

“Six year old doubled over in agony upon waking up at 6:30: ‘My gum hurts from a very skinny scratch I did with my nail.’”

“White worms came out of my butt when I pooped. (White worms did not come out of her butt when she pooped.)”

“‘I have a REALLY hurty thumb.’”

“My aunt told me on Sunday she was thinking about going to the doctor because ever fall the PADS OF HER FINGERS FEEL STICKY from the weather change. I've been thinking about it ever since, thank you for providing this venue for discussion.”

“My 6 year old regularly claims to have thrown up ‘some stuff that looks like the toilet water.’”

Elizabeth Blackwell @eblackwellbooks

@TheEvilWitches Trouble walking because of a painfully itchy big toe (no rash or other obvious problem when I looked at it). A variety of lotions were applied; plain old Vaseline seemed to cure it.

Lyz Lenz @lyzl

@Alissa_Wright @TheEvilWitches My son assures me today he did an entire flip in the air and face planted and all his bones rearranged

Lauren Williamson @williamsonlm

@TheEvilWitches My 2-year-old had an actual stomach bug last week and described it to us as his "life hurts."

Emily Gould @EmilyGould

@TheEvilWitches (4 yo, wailing as if mauled by animals) “DEAD SKIN!!”

PaigeCasey @paigecasey

@TheEvilWitches My son loves vague wrist/knee/ankle crippling that only an $8 wrap or sleeve or brace from CVS can tame

Rebecca Makkai @rebeccamakkai

@TheEvilWitches When my kid was two she had a fit bc her arms “were too long and dangly.”

Rebecca Makkai @rebeccamakkai

@TheEvilWitches Same kid, also 2, when I told her she needed to act like a big girl: “Um, I do not have the strength of leg to be a big girl.”

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One witchy thing