"That's how I feel" to a picture of a carved pumpkin that was disintegrating
Things we text our spouses. Also: reviewing pricey pair of sweatpants.
I typically only praise products/services I like but I feel like some witches will want to know my honest feelings about some expensive sweatpants I recently bought, below. But first, I had such a kick reading this list, in response to a question in our survey last fall. There are so many relatable moments and short story prompts in here. As a whole I think we must all be wonderful spouses and anyone who is married to us is lucky indeed:
What's the last thing you texted your partner?
that I didn't stop to pick up milk at 10p on the way home from the work dinner
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"that's good" in response to him saying he was able to charge his phone at the pizza restaurant where he was waiting to see if he could find an uber in the town where his car battery died
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"just got off the train"
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a screenshot of my 14yo misspelling the word conference "confrence" on Strava to brag about his PR
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"Well lesson learned I guess"
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"Saturday????" regarding a picture of a Culver's "Curdtoberfest" banner (we are going to Wisconsin on Saturday)
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something kid related - and on his birthday 🫠
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"I like poking my head in the shed"
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"I love you."
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“The moral of the story is don’t feel a need to rush home”
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"We are getting taco bell and we saw [the school principal]!"
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"d'oh!"
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Organising for my parents to look after 2 of our 3 boys(!!!)
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"OK" (regarding “I’m on my way home”)
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hahaha i texted him something flattering someone said about me at work, basically like "see how great I am?"
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"I'm heading to the Lomira Pig" (Pig = Piggly Wiggly; Lomira = a town)
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"Our hot water isn’t working."
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"I'm so glad to hear, Joe."
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"Cheerios were on sale for $3 a box at Target"
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"Just left a voicemail and sent a text. What the hell."
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“Girl I got your sodas”
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How cold my daughter (cheerleading) and I (spectating) were at the middle school football game
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"These gifts are all over the place"
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"Life is bananas right now, sorry you're eating dinner alone."
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"It's not quite as bad with the curtains open"
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“You can start 'Star Wars' without us”
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“FYI I am doing the waiver for Kid 2.”
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"No I don't want a sandwich, yes I want a cookie, sorry your car smells like our son's hockey bag"
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an emoji connoting anguish
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"Also we have to call my dad for his birthday when I get home with the kids. Fuck!"
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"please come take care of meeee" (I'm the current flu patient)
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"I just looked up [redacted]'s address so I could send him a thank you card for donating and they paid $1.7M for that house!"
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"Good Luck. Remember I will be home late and not to wait for me for dinner"
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A picture of our dog’s poop to show him it was firm and not diarrhea
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Sent a link to a Good Inside episode on dealing with in-laws who say things to your kids that you don't agree with
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"Email me the words from the William Buckley bio for my Substack"
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"Good except for the lady without headphones playing videos on how to humanely kill crabs at top volume before switching to reading porn, lol" (about my first experience of a morning commute on Seattle's light rail system)
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a picture of a box truck that had 1-800-STRIPER written on it... for parking log stripe painting. NOT how I read it!
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“Somehow this is so Russian”
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"Which of these daycare/school portraits is the least awful?"
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Asking what our neighbor’s name is, and then promptly remembering and texting him that. 😂🤷♀️
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"The windshield of the CRV [new to us this week] has a chip"
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"Fine" (in answer to how the kids are while he’s out at the pub after work)
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"Sorry, despite the texts I totally forgot this morning."
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My dinner order when we went out to eat and I wasn't confident he would remember what I wanted between the table and the bar.
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"Sarah McLachlan is playing the same night in [redacted] as Paula Cole/Sophie B. Hawkins? lololol. cannibalizing the same fanbase"
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"I’ll stop on the way home"
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“Why did you brother in law just Zelle me $150?”
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"I love you and would like to go to the movies with you this Saturday"
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“Parked” in the carpool group chat
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I asked him how many kids had RSVPed for my son's bday party bc I have to confirm it with the place. I had guessed 14 (inc. my own kids) and I was exactly right
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A cute picture of our youngest laying on the ground after school — apparently it was a tiring day.
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"our kid just made a bucket"
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Guide to local elections
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That our daughter liked a Rolling Stones song (it's mostly been Disney here)
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"Heading back to the house to drop off the milk" referring to my pumped breast milk, and explaining why I wouldn't be meeting them at the playground.
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The wait time at a restaurant that we ended up not going to because it was over an hour wait
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"Tonight [our child] wept while eating his banana in bed 'mom I really miss looney tunes'"
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"Missed the bus"
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a number for a cleaner I want him to arrange
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A link to an article about JB Pritzker winning $1.4 million playing blackjack
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That the new and very nice water bottle our daughter had lost and then overheard me griping about last night, triggering a subsequent autistic meltdown that probably wasn't just about the water bottle, was OF COURSE found on her desk at school this morning.
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A terse "yes" that I could get the melatonin which I was already planning on getting in the store while he waits outside with the dog.
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“I’m thinking for the nondairy crowd make it no sour cream, but otherwise 7-layer”
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"Sarah is going to get us gummies"
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Texted a link to a song I thought he would like
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"I'm actually going to take a really quick shower while I'm up here because I don't remember the last time I showered"
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complaining about flight being delayed
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A Substack link about who gets to live long lives in America, apropos the deaths of Diane Keaton and D’Angelo.
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"Maybe once I get to pee, I can take them for a rain walk. 🌧️"
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"Did you sign [kid] up for the swim meet?"
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A picture of our dog.
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A semi-creepy picture of our neighbor’s new puppy… through their fence
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"Love you ok"
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A recording I made of him in secret sitting next to him in the car “meowing” during a name that tune game where we make animal noises and try to guess each other’s song.
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Spouse yesterday on a beautiful fall day in the neighborhood: "I’m hating this walk. I’ve already had to say hi to like 20 people" Me: [angry emoji]
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“Have a good flight 😘”
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"Is baby vibing with the rocker". She said yes. He started yelling 7 seconds later
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"Do you want to go to John Mulaney?"
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a link to an estate sale this weekend that has a rowing machine I want.
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"FYI, we really need to replace the wipers on the Subaru and it seems that the back wiper fluid is out."
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A picture of one of our cats giving me the side eye for interrupting her sleep
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"Bless you!" (I heard him sneeze in the basement when I was upstairs.)
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"I found your keys in the car."
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It was about our kids awful behavior at camp this week - it’s half term in England and they have the week off
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"If you are very, very good, you may call me that once, as a treat."
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About the trash cans this morning (but before that was about the good sex we had last night!)
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"Let's share feelings! Add me as a friend on How We Feel"
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"Where is it??"
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"That's how I feel" to a picture of a carved pumpkin that was disintegrating
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A picture of him and my 3 year old 2 years ago bc I’m away on a work trip and she was not great at bedtime
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"Let the puppy out when you get home. Lots of good leftovers in the fridge. I’m going to bed. Love you!"
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“Did you mix the meat in with the pasta because you were mad at me?”
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"I’m sorry you have to put the clean sheets on the kids’ beds because I ran out of time." (Before my meeting that was a bed time)
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Thumbs-up on his explanation of which kind of faucet aerator I needed to get.
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"I think I need to get a cortisone shot"
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"Yes, I will take your package to the post office for you"
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"Put out the garbage"
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"Awww"
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"Point of clarification on my point of clarification- I do not view my role as overseeing your solo parenting plans"
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"Well, you never know…"
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"What do you want at the store?"
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It was very exciting; we were meeting up at our local Tube station and I texted to let him know I'd arrived. But we call it "Mork Pork" so that's what I texted him. "Mork Pork."
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A photo of my baby and partner in the shower that is VERY cute but alas we realised later that my son's little peen is flashing in it, so probs not one for wider broadcast
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"Sorry I lashed out. Can you also pick up the handmade tortillas. I forgot to add them to the grocery list."
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"But I’m gonna read and watch stranger things and then be scared to go to bed again"
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As for me, the collector of these answers, mine was about sports driving logistics: "I’ll hop on the chat with Andrea in a second just finishing up some other scheduling things." And I did! I did hop on that chat.
A brief review of some pricey sweatpants I tried
Christmastime was hard this year so for solace I decided to buy myself some crap I had been eying for a long time but couldn't justify buying for any normal occasion. One was a pair of sweatpants from a trendy Instagram-type brand that has a signature aesthetic. They looked cool on women I saw wearing them in the wild and I justified the pretty ridiculous cost (well over $100) as a prize for getting through the month.
Perhaps you have eyed these sweatpants yourself and wondered if you also want some, if that rainbow stripe down the one leg could enliven your life and give you the chill sporty girl image you'd like to embody.
Here's my brief report. First, despite me getting out the measuring tape, they run a lot bigger than you'd think. I thought I'd be a large based on their size guide but even the medium I exchanged for rides up high over my belly.
Now, they are very comfy.
BUT! Mine don't have pockets. Which taught me a lesson. You know the phrase "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels"? In this case, no sweatpant is so comfy as to replace the need for pockets. In the future I will never buy a pair of sweatpants, no matter the hype, that doesn't have pockets. It feels absurd to wear loungey comfy pants that you paid a lot for that you can't also put your phone or headphones into. Before you get tired and let yourself be lulled into Instagram retail therapy, learn from me and perform a pocket check as needed.
End credits
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