Strangers in the night

Going our separate ways

Jun 15, 2021

Someone on Twitter was talking about the perceived coldness between the former President and his wife and pointed to how, as a piece of hilarious evidence, they don’t even share a bed. I hate the former guy as much as anyone else but I replied saying that sleeping separately, which is very underrated, should not be dragged into this. Another person chimed in that her very favorite thing at the end of the day was cuddling with her spouse to which I said

To that end, a witch had a question about whether it’s normal not to hang out with your spouse after the kids go to bed:

Most nights my husband goes outside to smoke a cigar and watch something/read something. I just don't want to sit outside. He invites me to join him but I just don’t want to sit outside/smell his cigar smoke so we usually do our own thing before bed, sometimes not. Is this terrible or the secret to our success?

And witches replied:

“Sounds like my life except I stay upstairs in bed to read and my husband goes downstairs to watch sports or a super dark show that I don’t want to watch. Neither of us are upset at the other, so I think it’s good!”

“When my kids slept separately (one in the playroom downstairs) we had to do this by default and it was great. Now they sleep together but we take turns staying with them, so we each get like an hour alone. I'll almost be sad when they can handle going to bed alone and I'll feel like we have to hang out.”

“We don't even sleep in the same bed let alone hang out after the kid is asleep. I'm good with it.”

“Tonight I watched the RHONY reunion part 3 on the couch, he watched football in the bedroom, everyone is currently happy.”

“I’m upstairs, he’s down. It’s usually fine except sometimes I feel like, man, maybe we should have a show we watch together or something?”

“Tonight my husband ‘offered’ for me to watch my own shows in our bedroom (Bravo ) because he wanted to watch Formula One. WIN. WIN.”

“My husband only wants us to hang out. Every night. After the kids are asleep, we drink and watch TV or sit on the front porch and talk or sometimes we do a project together like paint the basement or wrap birthday gifts. I want to email and catch up on what's been going on in the outside world while I’m childrearing, but he won't let me so I wish we could do things separately without him getting butthurt!”

“I almost always do my own thing before bed. Last night I read People happily alone in my bed.”

“I wanted to read in bed last night, and my husband went and got his laptop and climbed in bed next to me, and then interrupted me about every 15 minutes to talk about stuff. I love that he likes being with me, but I don’t love that his ideal ‘together time’ is often when I really need to just zone out for an hour.”

“Usually it's fine but last night my husband was a little mopey that I was already in bed reading my Kindle at 9:30 and promised to give me a foot rub if I hung out with him and listened to music on the couch. So I put on my caftan and got an 80-min foot massage, which is the only way it's worth it to get OUT of bed on a Saturday night.”

“My husband gets truly bummed if I say I’m going to watch something in a different room. Working out at night is really the only way I can get time to myself post-kid bedtime and even that is met with some dissatisfaction. He also harasses me if I’m on my phone but then obsessively reads Twitter while watching tv. I don’t really mind because it’s all such a relief after a long day of work/parenting/life. The only time it’s an issue is when he wants to get in to a deep talk and I just want to EFFING CHILL. I secretly love Tuesdays when he has guitar class and I have free rein till 10pm—I need my alone time!”

Tracy S @akfirefly76

@TheEvilWitches My kids have started staying up later than my husband. He’s an early bird & I’m a night owl. We tend to do our time together before dinner or midday. We rarely go to bed at the same time.

Liz @lizinprogress

@TheEvilWitches 2-3 times per week with my SO, maybe? Sometimes more or less? A little tricky as our older kids are teens and stay up as late as I do, but on the flip side they're self-sufficient.

RBG4eva @nimue2005

@TheEvilWitches 6 nights spent watching tv “together”. He does a game night with friends online one night a week. Then I watch tv alone. 🤷‍♀️

Dr. Laura Doyle @water_doc_doyle

@TheEvilWitches We do our own thing too many nights a week - but our own thing is work. SO goes back to his office and I stay home and work. TBH its been this way since we were both in graduate school - but 3 nights a week would be better then our current 5.

Princess Catkin - Black Lives Matter @jlib

@TheEvilWitches My kids were far and away my #1 priority when they were small. Then came housework and then the dog (I got scolded by the groomer for letting his fur get too matted once) and finally my husband who was as good as a dried up raisin in a dusty corner in my priority list.

queen trash mouth @thesusan

@TheEvilWitches Does “having the tv on in the living room but he’s playing a video game and I’m reading” count as together time or separate time?

Elizabeth Blackwell @eblackwellbooks

@TheEvilWitches My kids are older (14-18 yrs), so they aren't "in bed" until 10 or so. Then I go upstairs to read while my husband plays videogames. He's been 100% work-from-home for more than a year and tbh we just don't have the motivation for "quality alone time."

Samantha Darby @SamanthaDarby

@TheEvilWitches I'd say about four nights a week we do something together, even if it's just us sitting next to each other, staring at our own phones and reading each other tweets. The other three nights, we are in separate rooms doing our own thing!

Emily @themerriest

@TheEvilWitches We’re still in separate bedrooms with separate kids (hahawhy) so we watch TV together once they’re down every chance we get (like 4 days on a good week). But we spent half of our child-free anniversary on our own screens in separate rooms and it was great.

End credits

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