Moms of kids who are discovering their preferred extracurricular activities, let me give you some advice! Be careful what you like or engage with on your social media feed pertaining to kids’ hobbies, or Instagram may start serving you products like this that imply you have a possibly unhealthy investment in your child’s thing:

You don’t want this to happen because you will then go bananas thinking about the people who do actually buy these products and/or what you did wrong to get on this side of the algorithm.

Because we have two children and because sometimes I have shit to do, I didn’t attend every single one of my kids’ baseball games this season (thereby not deserving that “always cheering baseball mom” shirt). I don’t think this is strange, but one person noticed was our neighbor E., a coach/dad on our kid’s team.

A few weeks ago, my husband told me that after the most recent game, E. asked him if our marriage was faltering because I wasn’t at many games that season. “You on the rocks? Splitting up?” My husband explained the bit about us having 2 kids with 2 schedules and me having my own schedule, but E., divorced himself, wasn’t having it.

I won’t say too much about E. aside from the fact that, based on prior interactions with him, I wasn’t surprised he felt fine saying this out loud to my spouse. I did tell my husband, though, “I wish you hadn’t told me that.” Because the next time I did show my face at baseball, E. said “Hi” to me in a way that seemed pointed, and maybe I just wouldn’t have noticed and felt creeped out.

Some women feel flattered by catcalls and their different iterations. I am not one of those people. I’ve always found it threatening. I’ve come to realize a relative of the catcall is a man telling you he’s been observing you and either likes or doesn’t like what he’s been seeing. Unlike a random catcall from a stranger, this comes from a man who wants you to know he’s been silently watching you until this lucky moment when you hear about it.

Thanks to E., I realize I must remember to tell my sons not to do this when they get older. Is there a self-preserving way to tell fully formed men, though to course-correct? Obviously, it shouldn’t be our job, and unfortunately, I have a feeling that men who do loud noticing on women are probably not very self-reflective and amenable to change.

I suppose if you have the time and the energy and you are dealing with a man you feel comfortable stepping up to (like your dad or brother) and you hear them say something to another woman like, “You been lifting weights?” “I’ve noticed you seem tired lately,” or “You’ve been looking good,” you could say, “I’ve heard some women really hate it when a man says they’ve been noticing them physically.” If (when) that man starts to rail about how you can’t do anything right these days due to woke culture, you can just treat yourself to a nice little disassociation til he’s done.

Thankfully, my younger kid’s baseball season is over, so I don’t have to see E. very much for a while, and nobody so far on my other son’s team seems to give a shit how much I show up and whether I’m wearing a shirt that’s pro-being a baseball mom or something more appropriate, like this:

End credits

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