Humor

Your baby Barf Badness bracket is here

The splitter splatter of little stomachs

Claire Zulkey

20 Mar 2026 — 5 min read

Well, you crazy sons of bitches, you did it. You inspired me to spend way too much time creating and figuring out how to embed a March Madness inspired bracket. Only instead of NCAA basketball teams we're voting on the worst places our children have thrown up. These are all based on real examples you told me: Home vs Away for ultimate barf supremacy!

If you're reading this as an email, click on "View in Browser" (at the top of this email) to see the bracket and play. As in life, there are no prizes. But also as in life, it may be a fun, stupid way to spend a few moments. If you're a paid subscriber, feel free to share your champ in the comments.

Barf Badness - The Ultimate Throw Up Tournament

That's all for today. Happy weekend, witches. Hope it's puke-free.

End credits

Thanks for reading this issue of Evil Witches, a newsletter for people who happen to be mothers. If you want to read some of the other stuff in this newsletter that is just goofy and not very helpful you can find some here.

If you got a giggle from this and wanted to show a bit of love without being a full on subscriber, you can drop me a little tip.

By popular demand, in response to this conversation with Edith Zimmerman about no gifts/yes gifts for kids, I am going to work on an issue about children's birthday parties/celebrations writ large (let's say preschool age and up—baby parties are about the parents.) Email me or comment your hot takes about if you believe you have to invite your child's whole class, when you're allowed to not be there as a parent, genius/horrible venues and activities, hacks you want to share or "learn from me: don't do XYZ" type experiences and we'll do a witchy party roundup.

I will note that for me, even though we are doing the same party for my son this year that we've done for several years running (inviting the boys in his class to a swim party at a nearby family fitness center) even if you don't really have to do much, no time is slower than the time you spend supervising a bunch of children that aren't yours.