I never took (nor was even offered) a home ec class in my entire life. There was an “advisory” class in high school where we got some sex ed and learned how to write a check, but that’s about it. Before I had kids the idea of “home ec” sounded retro and un-feminist. Learn how to cook for your husband! Darn his socks and close a cloth diaper with safety pins! But now I think there should be mandatory home ec that young adults have to take to either prepare them or dissuade them from parenthood and/or marriage. These are my proposed courses for home ec:

• Sex ed:

  • How to pleasure yourself -- before pleasuring anyone else 

  • Contraception pre-kids, during kids, and post kids 

  • How sex changes after marriage and kids 

• Sewing. Because it would save us so much tailoring money. 

• How to spot and handle the differences between a tired kid, a sick kid, a hungry kid and just an asshole kid

• Best practices for doing and keeping up with laundry

• Washing dishes: best practices vs reasonable practices

• Quantifying laundry and dishes and housework in terms of time and money 

• Marriage 101-999

• Your own parents: how to spot the difference between valid input and their own bullshit 

• Finances: Managing a credit card, preparing for tax payments, investing, and budgeting in a manner that isn’t a theoretical and unreasonable ideal

• Food:

  • What your body needs for nourishment and joy vs. what you want to eat vs. what society thinks you should eat

  • Recipes to make with the food already in your house

  • Recipes that will “freeze beautifully” vs. just sit in your freezer until you throw it out

  • The art of analyzing when it’s totally fine to not cook

  • Feeding an infant.

  • Feeding a toddler.

  • Feeding a preschooler.

  • Feeding teens and up

  • What is “normal” annoying feeding behavior with regards to children and when you should be concerned. 

• Car purchasing and repair

• Seminar on the concept of “liking” being a parent

• Car seat installation, use and cleaning 

• Is it depression, hormones, lack of sleep or are you just in a bad mood? A guide. 

• Knowing which battles to pick at work, in a relationship and with children. Special elective on understanding the signs of sleep deprivation and arguments that arise from said condition 

• What is insurance 

• Negotiation: At work, with your partner, with purchases and with children (don’t.) 

• House care:

  • What upkeep you absolutely should not overlook so as not to be stuck with a huge bill when something falls apart

  • What you should reasonably do yourself vs. hiring a pro

  • The equation of when it makes sense to spend money on house care like cleaning, yard work and snow removal vs. doing it yourself

• The fine art of quitting: A job, a friendship, a marriage, a book or a TV series, and a newsletter post.

What did I miss? Please help me round out this syllabus.

End credits

This has been your latest members-only installment of Evil Witches. Hello and thank you to new subscribers! As always you can follow us follow us on Instagram and talk to us on Twitter here. If you’d like to submit a piece of your own or want to suggest a topic let me know. I owe a few of you emails, but it gives me peace to know that if anyone understands a pileup of tasks, it’s this group.

One witchy thing