I did it to myself, to be clear.

I belong to a “Boymom” group on Facebook (to this day I don’t know how I ended up in there, I swear) and there is some fascinating stuff in there, from earnest discussions about how to raise nontoxic men, how to thrive in their filth, and then some more “hmm” shit like, basically, “I have 12 sons and I’m expecting a daughter finally and now I can admit my life is finally complete.”

I was upset about bedtime one night and foolishly took my complaints to the Boymom group instead of a witchier place. My particular issue was with my 5 year old, who becomes extremely goofy and slow and backward and infuriating at bedtime (like, last night, he laid down on the rug halfway through the ten-step journey from his bath to his bedroom). One of his techniques is to butter me up through the getting to bed process. “You’re the best Mommy in the world,” etc. trying to kiss me in stupid places like my hands or my stomach when I’m just trying to get his pajamas on. (He does know how to dress himself but I have to put his pajamas on because it’d be 2 AM by the time he did it due to aforementioned shenanigans.) It’s 100% a stalling technique and its insincerity is a turnoff to me and backfires spectacularly and makes me Heisman him and avoid eye contact. I tell him I’d rather he do all the lovey stuff during the day if he means it. Did other boys do this to their moms, I wondered? I asked the Boymom Group. Like an idiot.

“How do you know it’s b.s.?” they asked. “What do you mean? My snuggling time with my L.O is my favorite time of the day! Maybe he’s afraid of bedtime. Embrace this time when he loves on you!” The post also didn’t get published until 12 hours after I submitted it, when that problem wasn’t in my face anymore and instead Daytime Me was defending Tired Bedtime Me. I deleted the post. A well-meaning lady messaged me privately to say that she noticed I had gotten flamed and she was sorry, which was nice, but she also said, in her message, “I try to remind myself that it won't be like this forever, one day they won't even want me in their room ever, let alone at bedtime!”

I know, I know. I know. I know. Stock up on gratitude and cherish these moments now because eventually when your kids are grown you can knit yourself a warm blanket with all those cherished moments and you’ll never feel melancholy. Honestly, often I do notice my kids doing something sweet or creative or appreciate them. I take a little mental Polaroid and think, “OK, this memory has been officially cherished. Now what?” But the cherishing is not part of the equation when I’m exhausted and my kid is being dumb and trying to manipulate me at the most annoying time of day.

Anyway, I will not bring a parenting issue to the Boymom Group again unless it’s a question for a story I’m writing on Boymom Groups and the way they work. Or if my son decides to grow his hair really long and I need advice on how to take care of it, no haters please! (another Boymom Group theme.)

Have you ever mistakenly brought a parenting question or gripe to someone only to realize they are #NotaWitch? And did it make you cherish your moments that much more? [2026 note: you can find the Substack comments on this issue here!]

End credits

I hope you enjoyed this issue of Evil Witches, a newsletter for people who happen to be mothers who just need to fucking vent sometimes without being told you shouldn’t. If you liked this, feel free to forward this along to someone who might like it in their inbox once or twice a week (and encourage them to subscribe).

One witchy thing