A witch I know posted very good question on Facebook. Here are some of my favorite responses on the thread and also after I reposted it to Twitter. The answers are fascinating and reassuring, like when you visit someone else’s house and see what types of toiletries they use. Different, yet the same.

Q: What are the things you’ve said so many times since becoming a parent that they could be considered personal mantras that might as well be tattooed on your face?

Mine are:

“I am not a napkin.”

“I am not a garbage can.”

“You have hands.”

“Penises are private.”

“Boogers are not for eating.”

Let’s go!

“I can only do one thing at a time” “Put all of your dirty clothes in the hamper.” “How many hands do you think I have?” “Did you wash your hands? With soap? Let me smell.”

“Did you hear me talking? ‘Cause you are interrupting” “No smacking!”(while eating - I hate the loud chewing noises! So gross!)

“Don’t mess with that.” He always wants to touch every single thing.

“This is not a democracy.” “Please finish brushing your teeth before we talk about Harry Potter.”

“I'm gonna count to three.”

“What am I doing right now?" (IE are you asking me to look for a Lego while I'm basting this Thanksgiving turkey?)

“Stop being a jerk.”

“Nobody wants to be friends with a butt toucher.”

End credits

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One witchy thing