I wasn't ignoring you, I swear

Forgiveness, please.

Claire Zulkey

25 Mar 2026 — 4 min read

Hi witches,

I realized yesterday I made a big mistake when transitioning from Substack to Ghost: I did not have my email address connected to my new newsletter account so that explains which may explain everyone's been so strangely quiet lately. I am embarrassed to ask this but can I please ask you a favor? 😬 If you replied to one of my emails (aka emailed the account evil-witches-1@ghost.io) since about Feb. 15 and have a second, can you please resend it to ew.clairezulkey@gmail.com? 🙏 Particularly if you had something to share about kids' party philosophies or are a paid subscriber and want access to the Not Right Now podcast bonus material. I'm so sorry.

This is the "this shit" they were referring to when they wrote this line:

Under normal circumstances I make a point of reading and replying to every email I get! I will catch up on correspondence before spring break next week.

Anyway, this is a good opportunity follow up on the barf madness bracket because there were a few lessons amazing stories and tips witches followed I wanted to share in a follow up:

Kid throw up on something hard to clean that you don't want to get rid of (yet?) Consider investing in a Little Green Machine.

"I used the Little Green Machine (required hardware for ALL PARENTS!!!) on my kid's Squishmallow. Buy one, or make friends with someone who will lend you theirs. Bonus: seeing the “discard” dirty water is satisfying."

Is your kid what you'd call a "super puker" as one witch lovingly did? I mean all kids puke, but some are real overachievers. You may want to talk to your ped:

"Turns out my kid had a hyperactive gag reflex; they were working him up for all sorts of feeding disorders. We had to do a swallow test. Ultimately, he just didn’t want to eat because anything too big would cause him to gag and puke like a puppy. Reasonable. He ended up living on a juice designed for patients going through chemo: 250 calories a box plus protein. He wandered around with a straw cup all day for like two years. I told the anti-juice preschool moms to come at me at their peril. He’s now 16 and eats everything all day and all night long and doesn’t puke."

Does your kid just loooove barfing in the car? Tip via Gaia Cornwall: Be real and just stick a dedicated vessel in the car instead of panicking over whether you have a plastic bag or whatnot the next time your kid starts making those "uh oh" noises:

"A wide-mouthed, plastic jug(a carafe, if you will) –with a lid (that's key!) It's probably for lemonade or something. It is called "The Barf Chalice." Do not leave home without it."

Finally, kind strangers do exist and let's give thanks for that:

"My then one-year-old threw up into my hand, on a city bus that was so crowded that my husband was on the other end of it, holding the diaper bag and folded-up stroller. An unhoused man next to us kindly handed over some wipes."

"My son threw up in an airline bathroom en route to Tokyo (I was in there with him). Then he threw up all over my husband and his seat as we made our descent. God bless those flight attendants."

"My younger son once threw up down the front of my dress, in the parking lot in front of the Chinese restaurant where we were about to pick up our dinner order. I set the toddler on the sidewalk, poked my head into the restaurant and asked for help, and a young waiter came out with three or four pitchers of water. I dumped two down my dress, stripped the toddler, dumped another pitcher of water over him, and put him into his carseat. The waiter put our food directly into my trunk for me so I didn't have to touch it. I later found chunks of my toddler's lunch inside my underwear."

End credits

Thanks for reading Evil Witches, a newsletter for people who happen to be mothers. Just a reminder you can get 20% off your first month of Faye if you use the code EVILWITCH20. (I will get a little kickback if you use that code). You can read my original unpaid Faye endorsement here.

You can also find me talking here on this podcast: If you're a paid reader and want access to the subscriber only audio stuff let me know! I will actually reply to you this time I hope.