Some Boomer-age-ish parents have been incredibly helpful and steadfast as their adult children handle raising kids in a pandemic. Others have been guilty of adding anxiety to anxiety (“What are you going to do???”), critiquing parenting (“Has she gained a little weight?”), obsessing over staying consistent with the old world (“Have you figured out travel baseball yet?”) or unhelpfully bright-siding (“You’ll figure it out—you always do!”)

A friend of mine shared a list of pre-approved responses she was contemplating sharing with one of her parents of the things they are allowed to say when she calls to vent. They include:

“That sounds really hard. I wish you didn't have to go through it.”

“I know this is a difficult choice, but I'm sure you'll make the right one.”

“Whatever you decide to do, I'll be thinking of you and sending love.”

“I can tell how much stress you're under, and I hope you can do something nice for yourself today.”

“Wow, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate! Is there anything I can do or say that would help?”

I would add the following:

“I was never in a situation like that as a parent; I know you are doing the best you can with what you’ve got and you’ve got my support.”

“We can pay for some/all of that.”

“Do you need us to bring by dinner?”

“Feel free to delete” (regarding any article video that’s sent just for fun or “FYI”).

Finally, this is not an approved phrase but an approved action — if a grandparent forwards an article to a parent that they think might be helpful or truly delightful, they must read the entire thing themselves first and then quote whatever part is helpful or truly delightful in the email.

What would you add to the pre-approved guide for older relatives who need a little help being helpful?

End credits

I hope you enjoyed this issue of Evil Witches, a newsletter for people who happen to be mothers. Feel free to forward this and encourage friends to subscribe, or, better yet, buy a subscription for someone you love. Use this link to buy someone a gift subscription for 20% off between today and Monday February 15. If you have any questions, feedback or suggestions you can reply right to this email. You can follow us on Instagram here and talk to other witches on Twitter, too.

Some upcoming topics we’re covering include how to give older kids more independence when they are also have a strong tendency to refer to screens, and “dumb, easy little tricks or hacks that make things at home even a tiny bit easier” (verbatim.) If you think you have any advice on those fronts just let me know!

Next week there will be fewer posts from me as we have a short week of school this week and next and I’m starting my first week doing a part time project. Thank you for your patience — I know you understand.

One witchy thing