Worst substitute teacher ever
My my my my corona
This issue is going to read more like some of my original Evil Witches newsletters in terms of length but I thought I’d share the witchy kids-at-home-during-isolation tips and other witchy advice I’ve gathered in one mega issue. Below find: ideas for staying busy with the kids at home; advice from homeschoolers; screentime tips from a Common Sense media editor; and a couple ideas for ways to give back to mothers who don’t have the resources some of us do. As always please consider becoming a paid subscriber for $30 a year—that’s less than 60 cents a week for a laugh or a good tip or perspective.
And please forward to anyone who may find this helpful.
A snow day that’s a month long and you also learn
The question we’ve all been asking:
Witches: while we can still Amazon Prime, what are ideas on how you’d try to pass two weeks being stuck in the house with your kids? Should I buy some puzzles? I imagine the kids will just OD on screens but they will get bored and I’m trying to think of what else we could do to pass that time.
Here are a couple ideas that all together should probably help you pass about 15 minutes:
“When we were stuck inside for two days last winter because of the polar vortex we did a lot of board games, Play Doh, baking, movies, drawing, Legos, and doing dance and exercise videos on GoNoodle. The idea of anything longer than that makes me want to weep.”
“Plastic egg hunts, scavenger hunts/treasure hunts, anything goo/geode breaking/painting outside, messy stuff. I would also let my kids create and bury a time capsule somewhere in my yard. See the trend of not being in my house?”
“Paint to music: Make a playlist and have kids paint or draw different things for different songs, and then you guess which drawing goes with which song.”
“I just ordered a puzzle and Monopoly on Amazon since those should kill some time. I’m also ordering my son’s birthday gifts a little early in case shopping stops.”
“Maybe I’ll go to Home Depot and buy some wood and nails and let the boys just hammer some shit for a while.”
“I was also thinking hanging sheets out back and letting them throw paint at them or something.”
“Someone for my kid’s 5th birthday went to PetCo and bought him a box of worms. That woman is my hero forever.”
“Everyone with younger kids needs to start saving every box and toilet paper/paper towel roll. If there's a quarantine just dump all that shit down in a room and let your kids build some crazy-ass fort/car/castle/whatever. If my kids have boxes and scotch tape they are happier than they are with actual toys, so this is my plan. Bubbles always pass the time as well. Chalk. Uno (my son loves it). Various ‘matching’ card games (we have a ton). Stamps, stickers, washable markers. Lots of Netflix/Disney+.”
“I can't wait until my daughter can play Boggle with me.”
“I’ve been looking into Ninja Warrior courses and stuff I can put up in my back yard if we get stuck at home so we aren’t literally trapped inside.”
“We are writing a schedule tonight for the day because we are not fucking around. It’s supposed to rain all day. I’m planning on rain boots, rain coats, neighborhood walk stomping in muddy puddles. There will be movie time, but also quiet time in your own room. We are going to be the meanest, least fun parents ever. I cannot wait. And cleaning. We will make them clean up their shit 🧙🏻♀️”
“A good cause thing: buy this coloring book, which is truly lovely, and there's a curriculum that goes with it.”
“I went to Lowe’s and bought a dozen fruits & vegetables to plant and made them garden with me. I kill everything I plant so I don’t know why I think this is going to be any different.”
“Table top ping pong set is working. At least for today.”
“We dig through drawers to clean and they found old toys they missed and wanted to play with (I’ll toss them at bedtime.)”
“My seven year old went on a two mile run with me today. We took one or two walks but it was better than nothing.”
“My 9yo tends to hyper-fixate on things, and has gotten obsessed with cleaning our dining table (no complaints here!). My mom sent her this tiny ladybug handheld vacuum to clean the crumbs off of the table. She is NUTS about it. Loves to vacuum up little dusty spots on the floor, etc. So if you have a weirdo like mine, there you go.”
“Are we leaning into the character-building and forcing them to make their own fun or can I just buy them a real Beyblades stadium and be done with it?”
“Today we played with slime and made St. Patrick’s day crowns. I’m holding the leprechaun traps for Monday if I can.”
“My 10yo had a six-person Google chat video hangout today. It was fascinating to eavesdrop on. One of the other moms of our neighborhood friends has a plan to do a drop-off postcards (just walking them to each other's houses and putting them in mailboxes) for my daughter's circle of friends. Meanwhile, I stress organized our hall closet!”
“Just ordered ingredients for gooey gunk. Borax and glue. Jesus take the wheel.”
“Matchbox cars, painting, playing in the alley, hitting old juice cartons with nerf bullets, Legos, a movie, indoor catch, and a really long bath today. I can’t believe it’s only been one day.”
“I’m ordering a skateboard and pads for both my kids; I need them to be outside as much as possible.”
“My plan is Ken Burns documentaries, with quizzes at the end 🤷🏻♀️”
The homeschoolers’ time to shine
On Twitter I rounded up some advice from homeschooler experts on how to educate our kids but also how we can realistically structure the day and get work done at the same time. This is my favorite advice:
I have seen some helpful day schedules floating around, too that I will reference. Here is my take, though—while I admit I’m not an expert in sudden homeschooling under duress, my time as a mom and a freelancer has told me this: don’t pin too many hopes and dreams on a schedule you create right now, or else you are going to feel even worse than you do right now when things get knocked off track. If you do some of what you intend to do each day in terms of academics or your own job, you should feel really good about yourself.
Screentime in the time of coronavirus
Jenny True, an E.W. reader who is also an editor at Common Sense Media, sent in some very helpful tips she gathered on legit stuff online for our kids:
Stress-Management Resources
Entertainment Recommendations
Common Sense Selections highlighting the best movies & TV
Resources for At-Home Learning
Apps That Act Like Math and Science Tutors for Homework Help
6 Research-Backed Sites and Apps That Can Boost Your Kid's Report Card
What to Ask When Your Kid Brings Home a School-Issued Laptop
Tips on Assessing Learning Resources for Home
How can I tell if an app or a website is really good for learning?
What online learning resources are available to supplement my homeschooling?
Plus:
School closure advice from the New York Times.
Family Media Agreement for iPad use.
Digital Passport (Common Sense's online games about digital citizenship)
Education Companies Offering Free Subscriptions Due to School Closings
Jenny True is writer of Romper's "Dear Jenny" column (pregnancy and parenting advice) and popular blog Jenny True: An Excruciatingly Personal Mommy Blog ( feat. Ginger fruit bowl and fuck your baby advice")
If you’re reading this at least you have newsletters and the internet and email and eyes
Finally, a very good question I got from a reader:
“I was wondering if you had any resources or charities or Gofundmes specifically for moms whose daycares are shutting down or moms who have lost their jobs due to COVID-19. I’m a first time pregnant mom with built in daycare from my mom when the baby comes, and a job that allows me to telework and I’m feeling especially lucky and grateful right now, and would love to give to moms that are struggling.”
I don’t have a ton of advice on this yet but here is a start:
“I want to see this come together but I don't know of anything aggregated right now. I suggest in meantime donating to food banks like Feeding America.”
“The Junior League works to raise funds for single mothers- that’s who I’m thinking about right now and sending my money to.”
See if you have a local Success By Six coalition and check in with what they are doing. Ours is coordinated by United Way and they are doing a great job of keeping us (childcare providers) informed of everything that is happening.
Please share more that you know!
End credits
I hope you enjoyed this issue Evil Witches, a newsletter for people who happen to be mothers who are also freaking out but have to hold down the fort and still wash the dishes and laundry and maybe allllll the towels and sheets and don’t forget to wipe down the surfaces again. Please pass it along if you know someone who’d like this sort of thing once or twice a week.
If today’s issue gave you some good ideas or made you feel less alone or gave you a tiny smile please consider becoming a paid subscriber to support the work and get an extra witchy post a week:
Our next subscriber-only issue is about how the coronavirus has affected your marriage/partnership. Feel free to email me an anonymous note if you need to vent.
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