As an underemployed mother in America, I joined the PTA at my kids' school to make mom friends and to feel productive and, of course, to curry favor with the teachers and admin.
Turns out that running PTA shit is an actual (unpaid) job. I was in charge of fundraising for two years and a) priced out school-logo swag to give as incentives to donors while maintaining my profit margins, b) created a badass multi-tab spreadsheet where I learned how to make PIVOT TABLES and c) raised $30K each year.
Am I a businesswoman now? Yes, yes I am. I went on to be President, and now I can do anything. I can chair an ice cream social for 1600 people over three days in my sleep. I am extroverting my introvert self like never before for my kids. Most importantly, I am putting all this shit on my resume! And I tell other hardworking witchy moms to stop gaslighting themselves about their capabilities and get work-world credit for this kind of invisible labor too.
Karen this is exactly what I'm talking about! People get paid GOOD salaries to execute this type of leadership and project management in the working world. Like if you're helping your kid's school get on Blackbaud? That's digital transformation. For some reason before I became a grownup/mom I assumed you just kind of showed up the way grownups do and whatever "it" is, "it" happens. I have come to realize that even if a bunch of parents had a bunch of free time it still takes a certain amount of executive confidence and leadership to guide things. And of course the killer is that it's just good luck if a school has a bunch of parents with that type of skill and time--not a guarantee.
Oof, the executive confidence thing is the key. It turns out that people can be bad at doing PTA jobs just like they can be bad at doing business jobs, but still it all kind of works itself out?? You just have to want to try?? Ugh, life lessons
Yes! Karen! 🙌 Another woman (& personal hero) who used this strategy to great success was the OG Madam Secretary Madeleine Albright. From her Wikipedia:
“She began fund-raising for her daughters' school, involvement which led to several positions on education boards.[48] She was eventually invited to organize a fund-raising dinner for the 1972 presidential campaign of U.S. Senator Ed Muskie of Maine.”
A good friend of mine did the same thing. Eventually as her kids got older she transferred her skills into lobbying and then advertising and branding. Guess which one pays the most! 🙄
In learning how to advocate for my twice-exceptional kid, I am inadvertently becoming an expert in state and federal laws regarding special education and giftedness. I now know so much more about state mandates than I ever wanted to, and I am considering pivoting my career into disability rights advocacy.
Same same. I was a philosophy major, but I have a masters in everything relevant to my son's care including obscure GI medications and gestalt language processing. It can be a full time job. I don't want to be the most informed person in the room on these topics, but I often am when we have IEP meetings and doctor appointments.
Right. Agree with Claire below. Jessica Fein mentioned (in her book Breath Taking) this happened to her frequently as a parent of a kid with a rare disease. She said sometimes the health care provider she was speaking to would ask her to pause so they could gather up the trainees to listen to her.
Definitely a burden but I found it encouraging that the patient and caregiver experience was being heard.
Without knowing a thing about soccer (aside from having watched Ted Lasso and the David Beckham documentary), I stepped up to coach my son's team when no one else would do it. I got a book from the library and watched a few YouTube tutorials. We only ended up winning one game all season (turns out strategy is hard) but we all learned a lot about resiliency and the importance of showing up. Crazy how official a grown-up becomes when given a whistle!
aw god bless you. I'm mad at my husband b/c he stepped up to coach tennis (also with no experience) but he has been on a biz trip or the weather canceled practices most times so he hasn't gotten the chance to metamorph the way you have.
PS I bet everyone lost their mind with joy after the one win! That's how it was with my kid's volleyball team this year.
I became the president of the HOA because the pavement on our streets was 25 years old and deteriorating and my kids couldn't ride their bikes on it without falling and getting scraped up. So now I know all about the differences between seal coating and repaving asphalt, something I truly never wanted to know.
I know, it's so cringe to be the HOA president. The guy who held the post for the last 25 years did let everything fall into disrepair in the common spaces. No one else was stepping up, so I finally raised my hand to do more unpaid work.
i was the world's worst hollywood assistant because i don't like details. i simply refused to see them. i could not be organized or file. or maintain any kind of housekeeping. or not hang up on a conference call. or keep a calendar. basically anything other than vibes, reading, or ordering lunch, i sucked at. and guess what i have to do now? all of it, all the time, for free.
I have had this [name of place where internet goes] open for hours but because perimenopause I forgot to respond. I don't remember what I was going to say because I am hot. And mad. And sent too many annoying whatsapps reminding people to chip in for teacher appreciation week.
I am FURIOUS because I have been sending out teacher bonus fund asks/thank yous and then got told what is coming up for 8th grade (next year) so I tried to sign up for an easy thing and was told it was already filled up and also tomorrow is May Crowning (Catholic school) so we need to track down dress shoes and a bouquet of flowers. I don’t want to not-work but I often fantasize about whether I’d be a nicer person if I only had to focus on the part time job of them being in school.
I'm on a pill and you'd think that it would show up on the sugar pill days but no sometimes it's not at all, other times it starts with a little amuse bouche before erupting days later into a full smorgasbord.
I wish I was good at cool useful things, but all I became expert on was a lot of dinosaur names, knowing creatures that are not dinosaurs, a giant repository of calico critter names, and an outstanding route to hit the pertinent parts of the field museum in under 2 hours and an excellent route to see all of lincoln park zoo without repeat circles. These feel not especially resume-able.
this couldn’t have come at a better time - i literally just got home after experiencing my first hot flash in the middle of a sushi dinner. i’m 45 and keep thinking I must be passing from peri-meno to actual meno meno but then I keep getting a period after like 5/6 mos - can’t WAIT to see what the next TEN YEARS!?! brings - kill me now
oh god, what a way to punctuate a nice meal. Did you know what it was immediately or did you suspect it was something else at first too? They are so disconcerting
my kids had a flu a week ago so my first thought was that i’d finally caught it and was starting a fever but it was so sudden and just on the surface, mainly concentrated in my face and neck that i also knew it wasn’t a fever. my face went beet red and i started sweating a lot and wierdly like behind my knees?? and it only lasted a couple of minutes - all of that led me to think HOT FLASH!?!
The last bad one I had I remember thinking “am I sick? No wait, is this a panic attack?” and then just letting it roll out. And then I felt shaky afterwards for some reason.
Y'all need to subscribe to Dr. Jen Gunter on all her platforms and also watching Small Achievable Goals on CBC gem or however you get your Canadian TV. The episode is free on YouTube!
I scored Pearl Jam tickets for my husband and his friend off the buy/sell/trade. The show is on Mother's day and the friend's wife responded to the text thread: "Happy Father's Day." She gets it!
As an underemployed mother in America, I joined the PTA at my kids' school to make mom friends and to feel productive and, of course, to curry favor with the teachers and admin.
Turns out that running PTA shit is an actual (unpaid) job. I was in charge of fundraising for two years and a) priced out school-logo swag to give as incentives to donors while maintaining my profit margins, b) created a badass multi-tab spreadsheet where I learned how to make PIVOT TABLES and c) raised $30K each year.
Am I a businesswoman now? Yes, yes I am. I went on to be President, and now I can do anything. I can chair an ice cream social for 1600 people over three days in my sleep. I am extroverting my introvert self like never before for my kids. Most importantly, I am putting all this shit on my resume! And I tell other hardworking witchy moms to stop gaslighting themselves about their capabilities and get work-world credit for this kind of invisible labor too.
Karen this is exactly what I'm talking about! People get paid GOOD salaries to execute this type of leadership and project management in the working world. Like if you're helping your kid's school get on Blackbaud? That's digital transformation. For some reason before I became a grownup/mom I assumed you just kind of showed up the way grownups do and whatever "it" is, "it" happens. I have come to realize that even if a bunch of parents had a bunch of free time it still takes a certain amount of executive confidence and leadership to guide things. And of course the killer is that it's just good luck if a school has a bunch of parents with that type of skill and time--not a guarantee.
Oof, the executive confidence thing is the key. It turns out that people can be bad at doing PTA jobs just like they can be bad at doing business jobs, but still it all kind of works itself out?? You just have to want to try?? Ugh, life lessons
leading a meeting, delegating etc--these are not as easy as they seem!
Yes! Karen! 🙌 Another woman (& personal hero) who used this strategy to great success was the OG Madam Secretary Madeleine Albright. From her Wikipedia:
“She began fund-raising for her daughters' school, involvement which led to several positions on education boards.[48] She was eventually invited to organize a fund-raising dinner for the 1972 presidential campaign of U.S. Senator Ed Muskie of Maine.”
Her memoir is an exceedingly heavy book, but worth it. https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/madam-secretary-a-memoir_madeleine-albright/301721/#edition=1569173&idiq=196786
A good friend of mine did the same thing. Eventually as her kids got older she transferred her skills into lobbying and then advertising and branding. Guess which one pays the most! 🙄
In learning how to advocate for my twice-exceptional kid, I am inadvertently becoming an expert in state and federal laws regarding special education and giftedness. I now know so much more about state mandates than I ever wanted to, and I am considering pivoting my career into disability rights advocacy.
wow wow. I tip my cap to you Ellen but also with the knowledge that you got this unexpected expertise out of necessity and not just to be cool/noble
Same same. I was a philosophy major, but I have a masters in everything relevant to my son's care including obscure GI medications and gestalt language processing. It can be a full time job. I don't want to be the most informed person in the room on these topics, but I often am when we have IEP meetings and doctor appointments.
"I don't want to be the most informed person in the room on these topics" YES. Knowledge is a burden. I wish we didn't have to deal with it
Right. Agree with Claire below. Jessica Fein mentioned (in her book Breath Taking) this happened to her frequently as a parent of a kid with a rare disease. She said sometimes the health care provider she was speaking to would ask her to pause so they could gather up the trainees to listen to her.
Definitely a burden but I found it encouraging that the patient and caregiver experience was being heard.
That is both very sad and inspiring! We are desperate to be heard and understood but also we really wish someone could guide us!
Without knowing a thing about soccer (aside from having watched Ted Lasso and the David Beckham documentary), I stepped up to coach my son's team when no one else would do it. I got a book from the library and watched a few YouTube tutorials. We only ended up winning one game all season (turns out strategy is hard) but we all learned a lot about resiliency and the importance of showing up. Crazy how official a grown-up becomes when given a whistle!
aw god bless you. I'm mad at my husband b/c he stepped up to coach tennis (also with no experience) but he has been on a biz trip or the weather canceled practices most times so he hasn't gotten the chance to metamorph the way you have.
PS I bet everyone lost their mind with joy after the one win! That's how it was with my kid's volleyball team this year.
I became the president of the HOA because the pavement on our streets was 25 years old and deteriorating and my kids couldn't ride their bikes on it without falling and getting scraped up. So now I know all about the differences between seal coating and repaving asphalt, something I truly never wanted to know.
You're like I'm not a Karen, I'm a COOL HOA prez 😎
I know, it's so cringe to be the HOA president. The guy who held the post for the last 25 years did let everything fall into disrepair in the common spaces. No one else was stepping up, so I finally raised my hand to do more unpaid work.
i was the world's worst hollywood assistant because i don't like details. i simply refused to see them. i could not be organized or file. or maintain any kind of housekeeping. or not hang up on a conference call. or keep a calendar. basically anything other than vibes, reading, or ordering lunch, i sucked at. and guess what i have to do now? all of it, all the time, for free.
ok but like ... <oprah voice> what is the truth?
I have had this [name of place where internet goes] open for hours but because perimenopause I forgot to respond. I don't remember what I was going to say because I am hot. And mad. And sent too many annoying whatsapps reminding people to chip in for teacher appreciation week.
I am FURIOUS because I have been sending out teacher bonus fund asks/thank yous and then got told what is coming up for 8th grade (next year) so I tried to sign up for an easy thing and was told it was already filled up and also tomorrow is May Crowning (Catholic school) so we need to track down dress shoes and a bouquet of flowers. I don’t want to not-work but I often fantasize about whether I’d be a nicer person if I only had to focus on the part time job of them being in school.
That last sentence... so true
As someone close to the finish line, I lend you my support and encouragement.
There is nothing more infuriating than Aunt Flo dropping in for a visit the 2 weeks before the official 1 year mark.
I'm on a pill and you'd think that it would show up on the sugar pill days but no sometimes it's not at all, other times it starts with a little amuse bouche before erupting days later into a full smorgasbord.
I wish I was good at cool useful things, but all I became expert on was a lot of dinosaur names, knowing creatures that are not dinosaurs, a giant repository of calico critter names, and an outstanding route to hit the pertinent parts of the field museum in under 2 hours and an excellent route to see all of lincoln park zoo without repeat circles. These feel not especially resume-able.
almost everything I learned about school boards was against my will
Probably still more useful than whether or not a quetzalcoatlus is a dinosaur.
well, is it??
It is not. It is a pterasaur. Hire me field museum!
this couldn’t have come at a better time - i literally just got home after experiencing my first hot flash in the middle of a sushi dinner. i’m 45 and keep thinking I must be passing from peri-meno to actual meno meno but then I keep getting a period after like 5/6 mos - can’t WAIT to see what the next TEN YEARS!?! brings - kill me now
oh god, what a way to punctuate a nice meal. Did you know what it was immediately or did you suspect it was something else at first too? They are so disconcerting
my kids had a flu a week ago so my first thought was that i’d finally caught it and was starting a fever but it was so sudden and just on the surface, mainly concentrated in my face and neck that i also knew it wasn’t a fever. my face went beet red and i started sweating a lot and wierdly like behind my knees?? and it only lasted a couple of minutes - all of that led me to think HOT FLASH!?!
The last bad one I had I remember thinking “am I sick? No wait, is this a panic attack?” and then just letting it roll out. And then I felt shaky afterwards for some reason.
Y'all need to subscribe to Dr. Jen Gunter on all her platforms and also watching Small Achievable Goals on CBC gem or however you get your Canadian TV. The episode is free on YouTube!
one of my favs lately - https://vajenda.substack.com/p/is-it-perimenopause-or-is-it-aging
Thank you for the morning giggle!
A Schitt’s Creek meme always hits just right. Thanks for the lolz (again).
I scored Pearl Jam tickets for my husband and his friend off the buy/sell/trade. The show is on Mother's day and the friend's wife responded to the text thread: "Happy Father's Day." She gets it!
https://www.reddit.com/r/Menopause/s/KTM9YMfEUA