What kind of mother would leave a Fisher Price airplane with sound effects and no off switch outside in the rain for two weeks so it could never make random vroom vroom noises at her again? What kind, I ask.
GOD DAMN THOMAS! Ugh that dumb train and that bald capitalist shill with his smug smile telling Thomas that working all day and all night to provide all the plastic toys to little girls and little boys is the only thing that will make Thomas happy... (as you can see I have some unresolved rage around Thomas.)
It is very curious that these Vtech toys all have switches on them. I can't imagine why? I'm sure there's no reason to unscrew this panel with a picture of a battery on it.
It is likely just a design choice. Dump trucks usually have a panel right there like that.
My husband used to take apart annoying kids toys, place an industrial grade piece of foam over the speaker, and reassemble the toy. Then tell the kids I dunno it’s just quiet I guess ☠️
SAME. It's so cathartic. I'm so bad that sometimes my son will seem disinterested in a toy for like... two days and I'm immediately "oh should we donate this?"
Exchanging the last batch of holiday presents on New Year’s day my own dad said, “anything in there have White Elephant potential?” I had a whole swarm of competing thoughts. But yea
This did not include my current favorite way of administrating things in a house with teenagers: The Family Group Text. 1. send pic of offending clutter; 2. send snarky commentary on said clutter; 3. include deadline for it being dealt with [removed from my line of sight]; 4. wait then inevitably toss. Shockingly, the group text is the most effective mode of keeping shit in line I've experienced in lo, my 17+ years of parenting.
You just made me realize April 1 is coming too. Coincidentally that (you know which one) has a terrible sense of humor when it comes to being trolled by his own petard
I’m on a work trip right now. The kid with meandering stories complained that the other kid kept interrupting her speaking on their video update with “random facts.” My husband was like, “ you had a good run…” 😉🫠🙃
my younger kid was really full of a certain kind of feeling the other night when his dad ran over his allotted time to speak and 'made' him forget what he was going to say
I swear some kids (my older one) will fling themselves from the cliff of the first half of a sentence without having ANY idea where they might be headed. . .
I’m interested in the idea of whether it’s innocuous/helpful or grating to coach our kids to collect their thoughts before the get going, tell better stories, etc.
I have told my kid my trick, which is to make a little hand gesture secretly that will remind me what I'm talking about (usually the ASL sign of the first letter of the topic in mind, but it could be whatever) when it's my turn. But they don't seem to take it to heart.
I struggled with my answers because what I want to happen is for the child to dump the sand outside and put the bottle in the recycling bin like a responsible human. What will ACTUALLY happen is that I will throw it away after being annoyed about its existence for days.
this is very validating! But my condolences to the friend. Some things you just have to learn the hard way (like me learning as a kid that if you ride a long cushion down the stairs like a sled you can break the expensive wooden radiator cover)
My solution: For every task not completed, the offending kid is sentenced to two minutes of "Baby (insert infant nickname) time" where they have to sit while I hug them and sing an improvised baby song... off-key...operatic style. The task completion status is reviewed weekly. Past 6 minutes triggers an added penalty of having the performance videoed and sent to their cousins. 10 minutes means the video is played at the next family event and will be part of a video compilation that will be played at my funeral (yes, I have this written in my estate planning). Now, all I have to say is, "What is the penalty for not getting this done?" My kids have a lot to discuss in therapy (and I am ok with that).
Me too! Best poll ever. And I really had to think about my answers because there were multiple realistic options, i.e. throw away vs toss in yard vs throw sand all over kids bed in a fit of rage.
My answers were chaotic because *I* was the kid who would fill plastic water bottles with sand from vacations we went to and keep them in a shoe box in my closet and if I'm being real, I'm kind of sad that I (or my parents) eventually threw them away!
TeamChaos too! As a child, I once kept a hard boiled egg that I'd decorated for Easter in a very special box in our basement which I immediately forgot about... until the smell started.
Our current backyard is straight littered with broken clam shells and small piles of sand. I'd also mildly obsess over what *number* recyclable it is and quietly mutter numbers for a period of time until blindly throwing between the two bins.
I will use this current momentum to throw out 3 boxes of assembled CrunchLabs boxes. It was fun but now they are done. And that's okay. (Right!?!!? Right? *Is* it okay? He hasn't touched them in months! But STEM. But also 3 boxes of space!)
You unlocked a sense memory of throwing out Kiwi Krates or whatever they were called that piled up during Covid when my kids revolted and were like ENOUGH ENRICHMENT ALREADY.
I kept moving them from place to place, entertained the idea of selling them (hahahahaha), mined them for parts and finally gave in and just threw it all away and AHHHHHHH so freeing! And have not thought about them since…until now.
My HUSBAND has subscribed to "Matter" boxes which are basically boxes of "neat" stuff for adults. He has a wall of them in our storage room in the basement, because he has a dream that our child will turn 8 or 9 and ALSO be really excited for cool rocks and a piece of a heat shield off a satellite and they can be weird little science boys together. I'm letting this ride because at least the stuff (owl pellets! graphite! fake blood!) is in boxes.
We have a box of those jumbled up random metal cylinder brain teasers in our closet for this exact reason. I told my husband you know MOST people don’t like those. Plus you probably only need to do like one or two in your whole life, not a wholesale gross. He got them off Amazon when our kid was two. One less thing to fight over in the divorce, I guess.
My child has been building a "brick collection" in the front yard all winter, and the moment of reckoning is coming when we have to mow the lawn and figure out what to do with the goddamn bricks. It's like a bottle full of sand except it weighs a collective 200 pounds and cannot be thrown in the garbage. Great plan, no notes.
the killer will be that there will come some day when you realize you really need *a* brick for some reason and you got rid of all the bricks because you're mean
Sure sex is great, but have you ever gotten rid of a kid's toy you've hated since it was purchased*?
Team "Throw it away without a second thought".
Who would do such a thing. Who would just rip the sounds out of the Thomas the Tank Engine silly sounds book in a fit of rage. Who I ask
What kind of mother would leave a Fisher Price airplane with sound effects and no off switch outside in the rain for two weeks so it could never make random vroom vroom noises at her again? What kind, I ask.
GOD DAMN THOMAS! Ugh that dumb train and that bald capitalist shill with his smug smile telling Thomas that working all day and all night to provide all the plastic toys to little girls and little boys is the only thing that will make Thomas happy... (as you can see I have some unresolved rage around Thomas.)
It is very curious that these Vtech toys all have switches on them. I can't imagine why? I'm sure there's no reason to unscrew this panel with a picture of a battery on it.
It is likely just a design choice. Dump trucks usually have a panel right there like that.
V Tech machines are all haunted.
Nobody:
V Tech Machine out of nowhere: HeLlo?!
Has anyone looked into VTech's deal?! They really feel intentionally cursed
LOL
lol
Ah, but I'm the asshole sister who sent my brother's baby a cat keyboard just because I knew they were trying to raise their kid with no plastic toys.
I love the Meowsic!! I used to play the Twilight theme on it
My husband used to take apart annoying kids toys, place an industrial grade piece of foam over the speaker, and reassemble the toy. Then tell the kids I dunno it’s just quiet I guess ☠️
Now THAT was sexy
"it's sleeping"
every single goody bag and basically every toy purchased by my MIL goes straight into the garbage.
I see your boundary, and I applaud it.
Goody bags are truly the worst.
This makes me feel so seen.
👆👆👆
I love throwing shit away. That's all.
I can hear the satisfying thump that the bottle full of sand would make in the trash can. Ah, bliss.
I know, I'm kind of waiting til I'm really mad about something/the can is empty so I can throw it in there real hard.
SAME. It's so cathartic. I'm so bad that sometimes my son will seem disinterested in a toy for like... two days and I'm immediately "oh should we donate this?"
Exchanging the last batch of holiday presents on New Year’s day my own dad said, “anything in there have White Elephant potential?” I had a whole swarm of competing thoughts. But yea
Me too. It is so satisfying.
Thank you all for this feedback; you've given me a lot to consider. I'll feed this all into my data processor to give me some action items and graphs
I'd like to see some bar charts, please.
This did not include my current favorite way of administrating things in a house with teenagers: The Family Group Text. 1. send pic of offending clutter; 2. send snarky commentary on said clutter; 3. include deadline for it being dealt with [removed from my line of sight]; 4. wait then inevitably toss. Shockingly, the group text is the most effective mode of keeping shit in line I've experienced in lo, my 17+ years of parenting.
my husband did read this issue, come downstairs and tell me he enjoyed it. The bottle of sand is still in its special place though
Was this post one giant group text?? 1. Pic? check. 2. Snarky commentary? check...
I agree. They respond to the group text in a way that never happens with the actual talking….
I LOVE texting my teens about doing shit…i rarely get lip back and sometimes it actually gets done! Texting for the win!
half the witchy things I get for the newsletter are from texts. So many rolls of toilet paper placed NEAR the toilet but not where they go
Totally agree!!
Damon Wayans Jr all the way! We've started calling my 13yo an "energy vampire" because his stories are so boring!
Wrap that bottle up in green for St. Patty's day and give the non-trash kid a bottle of his favorite green influencer drink.
You just made me realize April 1 is coming too. Coincidentally that (you know which one) has a terrible sense of humor when it comes to being trolled by his own petard
I’m on a work trip right now. The kid with meandering stories complained that the other kid kept interrupting her speaking on their video update with “random facts.” My husband was like, “ you had a good run…” 😉🫠🙃
my younger kid was really full of a certain kind of feeling the other night when his dad ran over his allotted time to speak and 'made' him forget what he was going to say
"It's my turn to talk" never fails to make me laugh when wielded by my children.
I swear some kids (my older one) will fling themselves from the cliff of the first half of a sentence without having ANY idea where they might be headed. . .
I’m interested in the idea of whether it’s innocuous/helpful or grating to coach our kids to collect their thoughts before the get going, tell better stories, etc.
I have told my kid my trick, which is to make a little hand gesture secretly that will remind me what I'm talking about (usually the ASL sign of the first letter of the topic in mind, but it could be whatever) when it's my turn. But they don't seem to take it to heart.
That’s a good one! I’ll pass it along to my kid.
I’m still trying to get that info to my brother and he’s 43 years old…
🤣
I struggled with my answers because what I want to happen is for the child to dump the sand outside and put the bottle in the recycling bin like a responsible human. What will ACTUALLY happen is that I will throw it away after being annoyed about its existence for days.
It occurred to me too that the rinsing of the sand will result in sand in the sink which I'm sure will somehow fuck up the whole house
My friend’s kids destroyed their plumbing by emptying rogue beach sand down the sink (“helping”)!
this is very validating! But my condolences to the friend. Some things you just have to learn the hard way (like me learning as a kid that if you ride a long cushion down the stairs like a sled you can break the expensive wooden radiator cover)
Oh Jesus Christ I think you’d just have to move
Days?!?! Impressed. 🏆
I’ve been looking at a small jar of dirt-of-unknown-but-special origin by the kitchen sink for six weeks.
My solution: For every task not completed, the offending kid is sentenced to two minutes of "Baby (insert infant nickname) time" where they have to sit while I hug them and sing an improvised baby song... off-key...operatic style. The task completion status is reviewed weekly. Past 6 minutes triggers an added penalty of having the performance videoed and sent to their cousins. 10 minutes means the video is played at the next family event and will be part of a video compilation that will be played at my funeral (yes, I have this written in my estate planning). Now, all I have to say is, "What is the penalty for not getting this done?" My kids have a lot to discuss in therapy (and I am ok with that).
Issues like this are why I am here.
Me too! Best poll ever. And I really had to think about my answers because there were multiple realistic options, i.e. throw away vs toss in yard vs throw sand all over kids bed in a fit of rage.
SAME
I was like if I'm left with only 10 readers total that will be the only 10 I need
I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WOULD BE A TEST
Not me overthinking the possible micro-ecosystem in the sand
you see some crazy things discarded on the beach. Crazy things that have been inside people's bodies.
My answers were chaotic because *I* was the kid who would fill plastic water bottles with sand from vacations we went to and keep them in a shoe box in my closet and if I'm being real, I'm kind of sad that I (or my parents) eventually threw them away!
he also has kept collections of sticks of specific size (like 3-4 inches) and bottle caps he picked up off the ground. So many treasures
TeamChaos too! As a child, I once kept a hard boiled egg that I'd decorated for Easter in a very special box in our basement which I immediately forgot about... until the smell started.
Our current backyard is straight littered with broken clam shells and small piles of sand. I'd also mildly obsess over what *number* recyclable it is and quietly mutter numbers for a period of time until blindly throwing between the two bins.
I will use this current momentum to throw out 3 boxes of assembled CrunchLabs boxes. It was fun but now they are done. And that's okay. (Right!?!!? Right? *Is* it okay? He hasn't touched them in months! But STEM. But also 3 boxes of space!)
It's probably tacky to link to my own shit but I was going so crazy with Kiwi Crates I needed to talk to experts about this at one point in time: https://mashable.com/article/kids-crafts-clutter-kiwi-co
You unlocked a sense memory of throwing out Kiwi Krates or whatever they were called that piled up during Covid when my kids revolted and were like ENOUGH ENRICHMENT ALREADY.
I kept moving them from place to place, entertained the idea of selling them (hahahahaha), mined them for parts and finally gave in and just threw it all away and AHHHHHHH so freeing! And have not thought about them since…until now.
I SEE YOU WITH CRUNCH LABS. I thought I was the only one.
So much CRUNCH LABS STEM flotsam and jetsam!!!
My HUSBAND has subscribed to "Matter" boxes which are basically boxes of "neat" stuff for adults. He has a wall of them in our storage room in the basement, because he has a dream that our child will turn 8 or 9 and ALSO be really excited for cool rocks and a piece of a heat shield off a satellite and they can be weird little science boys together. I'm letting this ride because at least the stuff (owl pellets! graphite! fake blood!) is in boxes.
We have a box of those jumbled up random metal cylinder brain teasers in our closet for this exact reason. I told my husband you know MOST people don’t like those. Plus you probably only need to do like one or two in your whole life, not a wholesale gross. He got them off Amazon when our kid was two. One less thing to fight over in the divorce, I guess.
I am delighted that I picked all of the (currently) most popular options. My people! 💚
I love Daman Wayans Jr’s response. Especially the distinction that they do it for each kid individually 💀💀
This is why Evil Witches is a Must-Read every time. (Though I was prepared to diligently fill out a little survey for you!!!)
The best poll I've taken maybe ever?
it's hard to formulate the questions to make them worth everyone's time. thank you for seeing the effort.
My child has been building a "brick collection" in the front yard all winter, and the moment of reckoning is coming when we have to mow the lawn and figure out what to do with the goddamn bricks. It's like a bottle full of sand except it weighs a collective 200 pounds and cannot be thrown in the garbage. Great plan, no notes.
the killer will be that there will come some day when you realize you really need *a* brick for some reason and you got rid of all the bricks because you're mean
I am allllllllll about throwing shit OUT full stop